Bob Spiers
LostCousins Superstar
So here is my story promised in a very abridged format. Please remember the research took place, on and off, for nearly 4 years. It's outcome still brings a lump to my throat and you will read why.
My elderly uncle (my mother’s brother) had married twice and had a daughter with his first wife. She was of course my cousin, 9 years my junior. After divorce his ex wife re-marries and the daughter has her surname name changed by deed poll. My uncle also re-married and had 5 children (including 3 daughters) with his second wife. Some 50 years later (about 2005) aged 85 –despite a whole heap of grandchildren and great grandchildren with his second wife – he is now frail and suffering Alzheimer’s. But as is often the case still had memory of his first daughter who he had last heard of in the 70’s. He asks if I can help him find her.
I began with birth names and the changed surname. I found her marriage in 1969 and so had her married surname. I found a son born 1970. I learn from another source (family related and unknown to my uncle) that it was believed the marriage broke up after a few years and she remarried.
Although I did not realise its importance at the time she had a middle name of Olive. I checked for a new marriage presuming she remarried using her first married surname. I began from 1971 and it was not until 1979 that I found a likely match with a lady who also had the middle initial ‘O’. The marriage took place in Solihull (really outer Birmingham). I found no more births but turned to Electoral rolls (expensive proposition at the time) and lost the trail after the early 1990’s. Purely on a hunch I checked for a third marriage. I reasoned that it would likely be after 1992 and under her second married surname. I found such a person in 1993 with a middle initial of ‘O’ and back in Birmingham. I found them in Electoral Rolls right up to the period of my research.
I tried for a phone number but this was not made available (likely ex directory) but had a confirmed address with postal code. I was not at all sure I had found the right lady but decided to take a flyer and write to her. My letter began if you are NOT the x Olive born y then this letter is not for you and should be discarded. If you are then read on: I gave chapter and verse of why I was seeking her and pointing out we were cousins who I remembered from family Christmas parties when she was a toddler.
Two days later in the afternoon she did indeed phone and we spoke for a long time. She told me she was also troubled she had lost contact with her father and was amazed I had been able to follow her trail (perhaps not half as surprised as me). She asked time to consult with her husband and get back to me. I said I would also need to consult my Aunt (my Uncle’s second wife) and likely my cousins – who were of course her cousins. I acted as intermediary for a month or more until I passed everything over to my cousins. After another month of meetings they all agreed it was time to tell their father and arrange for him to meet his lost daughter.
A grand meeting was arranged just before Christmas 2009 –that’s how long it had taken – and as you can imagine there was great joy all round, and a good many tears. I live in Kent and a fair stride away but was kept in the picture. I had a lump in my throat when my Aunt phoned and said Uncle had something to tell me. He recounted amidst tears that his long lost daughter had visited and I heard –in the background – my Aunt tell him “it was Bobby (as I was known) who had found her”. He paused and said “of course I had forgotten”!
Uncle died in October 2010 and I met up with my long lost cousin –and other cousins of course – at the funeral. They still keep in touch and I via email.
My elderly uncle (my mother’s brother) had married twice and had a daughter with his first wife. She was of course my cousin, 9 years my junior. After divorce his ex wife re-marries and the daughter has her surname name changed by deed poll. My uncle also re-married and had 5 children (including 3 daughters) with his second wife. Some 50 years later (about 2005) aged 85 –despite a whole heap of grandchildren and great grandchildren with his second wife – he is now frail and suffering Alzheimer’s. But as is often the case still had memory of his first daughter who he had last heard of in the 70’s. He asks if I can help him find her.
I began with birth names and the changed surname. I found her marriage in 1969 and so had her married surname. I found a son born 1970. I learn from another source (family related and unknown to my uncle) that it was believed the marriage broke up after a few years and she remarried.
Although I did not realise its importance at the time she had a middle name of Olive. I checked for a new marriage presuming she remarried using her first married surname. I began from 1971 and it was not until 1979 that I found a likely match with a lady who also had the middle initial ‘O’. The marriage took place in Solihull (really outer Birmingham). I found no more births but turned to Electoral rolls (expensive proposition at the time) and lost the trail after the early 1990’s. Purely on a hunch I checked for a third marriage. I reasoned that it would likely be after 1992 and under her second married surname. I found such a person in 1993 with a middle initial of ‘O’ and back in Birmingham. I found them in Electoral Rolls right up to the period of my research.
I tried for a phone number but this was not made available (likely ex directory) but had a confirmed address with postal code. I was not at all sure I had found the right lady but decided to take a flyer and write to her. My letter began if you are NOT the x Olive born y then this letter is not for you and should be discarded. If you are then read on: I gave chapter and verse of why I was seeking her and pointing out we were cousins who I remembered from family Christmas parties when she was a toddler.
Two days later in the afternoon she did indeed phone and we spoke for a long time. She told me she was also troubled she had lost contact with her father and was amazed I had been able to follow her trail (perhaps not half as surprised as me). She asked time to consult with her husband and get back to me. I said I would also need to consult my Aunt (my Uncle’s second wife) and likely my cousins – who were of course her cousins. I acted as intermediary for a month or more until I passed everything over to my cousins. After another month of meetings they all agreed it was time to tell their father and arrange for him to meet his lost daughter.
A grand meeting was arranged just before Christmas 2009 –that’s how long it had taken – and as you can imagine there was great joy all round, and a good many tears. I live in Kent and a fair stride away but was kept in the picture. I had a lump in my throat when my Aunt phoned and said Uncle had something to tell me. He recounted amidst tears that his long lost daughter had visited and I heard –in the background – my Aunt tell him “it was Bobby (as I was known) who had found her”. He paused and said “of course I had forgotten”!
Uncle died in October 2010 and I met up with my long lost cousin –and other cousins of course – at the funeral. They still keep in touch and I via email.
